What Am I Really Seeking?
Psalm 27:7-9 (NIV) Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My
heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide
your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my
helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior.
Thought One: What Am I Really Seeking?
Rather than seeking God – how many times am I
seeking answers, or relief from consequences of my own actions, or direction,
or emotional/physical healing or any number of other things?
Is there anything wrong with seeking those
things? Absolutely not – all through
scripture we are commanded to seek such things from God. However, when we seek these more than we
seek Him, then it indicates an imbalance.
We value what God can give us more than we
value Him.
Matthew 6:33 (NIV) But
seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be
given to you as well.
Interesting Hebrew
word for “Seek” here. Hebrew word used here
(baqar) literally means to plow into. David passionately desired to observe the
Lord in His dwelling place, to meditate upon Him, to investigate Him. Simply
put, David’s foremost priority was to know God. This is the desire of the true
worshipper: not to receive something from God but to know God.
Honestly – I am not for sure that describes
me most of the time. I don’t
necessarily seek God first – I am more interested in what I think I need. So I go to Him and ask Him for it. Rather than “plowing into Him” I am trying
to plow into a solution for my problems.
My eyes aren’t focused on Him – they are focused on what is around me.
Question to ask myself through the day: What am I really plowing into? What am I really seeking?
Thought Two: Can God – Would God hide/reject/forsake His
own child?
Psalm 27:9 (NIV) Do not hide your face from me, do not turn
your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or
forsake me, O God my Savior.
Remember – this the Old Testament – before Jesus
came and gave His Life on the Cross, rose again, ascended to the Father and
then sent the Holy Spirit to indwell His Followers in Acts. In the Old Testament the Spirit of God came
to specific people, in specific instances then the Spirit of God was
removed. However, in the New Testament –
Early Church – Acts 2 – God sends His Spirit to live in every follower of
Jesus. His promise is that His Spirit
will remain in them to guide, to comfort, to instruct in harmony with the Word
of God. So for a Follower of Jesus
today, God’s Spirit cannot be taken away.
Hebrews 13:5b (NIV) God has said, "Never will I leave you; never
will I forsake you."
However – I must admit – I feel like God or
His Spirit is nowhere near at times. I
have felt abandoned and forgotten by God at times. Especially recently – feeling an
overwhelming darkness and abandonment by God because of choices I made knowing
they were the opposite of what God intended.
So if God says He is there – He hasn’t
abandoned me – but I don’t feel Him – don’t sense Him – can’t find Him – call out
to Him and hear nothing – why is this?
How and I supposed to respond?
What causes me to miss God’s Presence in my
life? Honestly, right now I am totally
overwhelmed by the circumstances - of my own making – in which I find
myself. I am terrified – embarrassed –
fearful – humbled and broken. In the
darkness it is difficult to see anything.
I feel God is nowhere to be found – feel the He has given up on me –
feel unworthy of even being associated with Him. Those are my feelings – but the fact is the
scriptures – His Word – the Bible paints a totally different picture.
God’s
Word says to “Fear Not” – over 365 times in the Bible – “Fear Not” – why? He is there – He knows – He understands – He has
forgiven and He will restore. But I
don’t feel that way at all.
God’s
Word says “His love is Unconditional” – Nothing can separate me from God’s
Love. Nothing. (Romans 8:38) – But I don’t feel that way at
all.
God’s
Word says “He will bring something good – something that honors Him – out of my
mess.” (Romans 8:28) Nothing I did caught God by surprise. Long before anyone else – He knew the stupidity
of my actions. Sin always destroys – but
God has promised out of that destruction to bring something beautiful out of
it. But I don’t see that right now –
and feel that anything good is so far away I can’t even dare dream about it.
Which brings me back to my first
thought. Maybe rather than seeking
relief, direction or comfort – I just need to “plow into Him” and in His Time,
He will provide all I need.
That is much easier said than done. I struggle – I struggle to believe what God
says over what I am experiencing right now.
It is a struggle between peace and desperation. It isn’t a one-time decision – it is a
moment by moment battle – a fight within my heart and mind. God it is so hard.
However, look at what David says at the end
of Psalm 27.
Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV) I am still confident of this: I will see the
goodness of the LORD in the land
of the living. Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Dare I really believe that? I will see God’s goodness in my life while I
am still alive? Can I really trust Him
and wait? I want to run and hide. I so want to give up and just disappear. I want to find a way to “fix” all that I
broke. Dare I simply trust God? Dare I trust Him to give me the strength to
bring my emotions and thoughts to a place of waiting for Him?
He is transforming my life. God it hurts. But I will trust you. It is all I have. Help me believe it is enough.
God – I am terrified.
There is so much pain, embarrassment, destruction in my life that I don’t
sense you at all. I feel like I have
lost everything – even you. It is so
dark – so overwhelming – that I can’t feel anything but desperation. But God – you said not to fear – you still
love me and you will take my mess and make something beautiful out of it. I want to believe that. I want so much to “plow into” that – please help
me. Help me to seek you. Let you speak to me through your Word –
though your children – though your Spirit.
God please help me to trust you.
God – please be with those who are in the same place I am. Help me in the darkness of this room to
simply whisper “He’s Here – I don’t see Him either – but He said He’s here.” God please help me to help them.
2 comments:
God stretched out His arms and died for your sins just like every one else's. He is there for you, even in the darkness, even when you don't feel Him, even and especially when you don't deserve Him. You've told us that for years. It's time for you to remember it and believe it again. God Love you, Mark! The darkness will subside and you will find God again waiting right next to you. Hold tight to your family and it will get better.
When you waken with the dawn and the night's been way too long, and that fear of despair grips your soul. There comes a voice you can't explain. It's drawn from Emanuel's vein. We have a Savior who will not let go.
He says, " Child, I won't let go. These trials were meant to help you grow. When you're weak and can't go on, I'll make you strong. " Then I hear Him gently say, "My child arise and face the day. I know Your need... I'm in control...I won't let go."
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